Stop Punishing Yourself on Things You Cannot Change [Inspiring Story]

It is very painful when you does something that you regret and then start punishing and hurting yourself for no just reason. Life is beautiful and what matters is the way we live it. In this post I am going to narrate my most chronic experience in life. It is very painful and unforgettable. Many of you must have experience this or are still experiencing it now, but I urge you to read on and learn from my past experience and mistakes in life.

Nobody is above mistake, even the wise and smart people do make mistake sometimes and when you make mistake don’t allow the pain associated with it to boil down into your mind because it could kill you. Especially when you are living alone and nobody is staying with you and especially when there is no one to look after you. Never trust people too much to start telling them your inner secret and hoping that there will help you.

Instead there will mock you and make jest of you. Rather tell your story to people you feel can help you in life. For me I think keeping your secrets makes you more mature rather than telling everyone you see what happened to you, because there can never help you, instead there will make fun of you.

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I have seen and experience real suffering in life, I have witness the most chronic pain of my life. People are around me but nobody is willing to help me. There is a saying which state that ‘when you grow into a mature youth you automatically become independent and does things on your own. Nobody will assist you and you are on your own, so you have to deal with your problems on your own and nobody can carry your cross for you.

Many people are always depending on other people to help and assist them, but it really hurt when those people you depend on and hopes on for help and assistance disappoints you, then you will feel heartbroken and feel the most painful moment of your life.

I am no more new in the internet and those of you who have read my blog countless number of times know me very well. I am Austine Nonso Ilodinibe, the brain behind this blog and I am 26 years old. I am from Orsumoghu, Ihiala, Anambra State, in the south-east part of Nigeria. A graduate of Mass Communication from Enugu State University of Science and Technology. I have being really frustrated and humiliated in life to the extent I begin to wonder if God have really abandoned me.

After my university education and national youth service corps (NYSC), I went to Lagos to search for green and pastures. I have an uncle (my mother younger brother) and also an Aunt (my father younger sister) and both of them were all staying in different locations in Lagos. I never wanted to work for people, I wanted to be my own boss and become an entrepreneur, but I lack the capital and budget to invest on any business. The #150,000 I saved from my NYSC wasn’t enough for the kind of business I wanted to start, so I decided to go to Lagos and stay with my uncle while I search for a job and work at list one year and see if I can raise #500,000 and I will add it to my #150,000 making it total of #650,000.

I strongly believed with that money (#650,000) I can be able to invest in a good business. So I started searching for a job, I search and search and search for almost one year but could not find any decent job. I have attended countless number of interviews but all I hear are ‘we will get back to you’. I waited and waited and waited until I got tired of waiting for their response, call, sms or email. I was suffering emotionally because there was no job while my uncle wife was hurting me severely through her insults and embarrassment because I was staying in her husband’s house (my uncle house).

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She called me a liability, lazy boy and a bad luck person. There is no bad word this woman has never used on me. I automatically became a slave to her, she orders me around; ‘come Austine wash the toilet, wash all the rugs and foot mats, wash all the plates, bed sheets and clothes, sweep and mob the entire rooms and parlor, fetch water and fill the whole tank, do this, do that. She never allow me to rest and after doing all this things she still calls me a lazy person. She has never for one day appreciated what I have being doing in the house instead of thanking me she insults me and call me names.

I reported her attitude and behavior towards me to her husband (my uncle) countless number of times, but he said I should endure and tolerate her. I tried as much as possible to endure her but the insults and embarrassment was uncontrollable.

Luckily I got a job in Ikeja, Lagos as a Reporter (Journalist) in a digital media company and she started saying I must pack out of her husband house since I have gotten a job. I begged her to be patience with me, when I eventually work for some months and save a reasonable amount of money then I will pack out as she instructed and therefore allow her and her husband to live in peace together since I am a liability to her. But she never gave me the chance; she insults me and threatens me always saying that whatever property I damage in her house I will repay it with my salary.

Even when I come back from work feeling very tired, she will not let me be in peace. She will always be nagging and ordering me around. She will ask me to go and fetch water, wash plates, wash toilet, do this, do that.

After working for three months no salary, the company owed us three months salary and even crossing to the fourth month. We were spending money on transport and feeding and also working so hard for the company yet no salary. So we had no choice but to resign the job. My uncle wife continued her insults and embarrassment on me. I couldn’t bear it anymore so I packed out and went to my Aunt place in Isolo, Lagos to see if I could find peace of mind there.

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In my first week of staying with my Aunt and her children, I was happy and living peacefully with them. Suddenly in the second week, their attitude towards me changed. My Aunt character and her attitude towards me became worse than my uncle’s wife. She embarrassed and insulted me countless number of times because I was jobless, she called me a liability, a lazy boy that can’t even feed himself, as old as I am she is still the one feeding me and giving me food in my mouth. Her insults and embarrassment challenged me and I went out forcefully to look for a job but found none.

Then I started using my skill in movie editing to be editing movies and putting food on my table. So whenever my Aunt insults me I won’t eat her food, I will go outside, buy food and eat.  A week later I had a misunderstanding with her daughter. You all know that I am a blogger and as a blogger I operate on my laptop every day. She told me to stop operating on my laptop whenever I am inside her mother’s room and I should also stop charging my laptop on the sockets inside her mother’s room. I begin to wonder how I was going to blog if I don’t charge my laptop.

She and her mother insult me every day, saying I am too lazy; the only thing I know how to do is to be pressing laptop. There never knew I was not just pressing laptop to pass time, but rather I was building my future with that laptop.

So one day, it was around 2:00 AM midnight, there was light and I decided to charge my laptop so that I can blog that midnight. As I was charging my laptop, my cousin woke up and notice I was charging my laptop, she went straight to where the laptop was, carried it and smash it on the floor and my laptop was completely destroyed. I became furious that night and out of anger wanted to fight her. I vow that she must buy new laptop for me, as we were struggling in the fight my Aunt pushed me out of the room and ordered me to stay outside, stating that the worst mistake she did was letting me into her house. She asks me to stay outside and never come in. I slept outside that night with the pain of losing my laptop.

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I was emotionally hurt and disappointed in life; I hated everything about myself and people around me. I was really suffering emotionally and nobody cares to help or console me.

When it was Day break, that was in the morning of the incident I vow to pack out of that room and rent my own room, though I didn’t have enough money to rent a full room because rooms in Lagos were very expensive due to agents and agreement fee. So I pleaded with his son my cousin to help me search for a portable room which my money can afford. Luckily he was about to rent out his room he was staying in and asked me to come and rent his room, but on the condition that I must buy his properties. Which I accepted because I had no other choice and no place to go since my relations have abandoned and rejected me in Lagos.

He said I will pay him #90,000 for the room which I agreed and gave him the last money I was able to save through my movie editing. But after two months I paid the money I discovered he wasn’t ready to pack out as he promised to do initially, I have paid him #90,000 and yet he is still living with me and giving me orders as if I am his slave. I ask him I thought you rented the room to me because you wanted to pack out, why are you still living with me. The room is too small and can’t contain two people. If two people live there, they will live like prisoners and slaves because everywhere was tight and there was no space because the room was very small. He said he will leave very soon but that very soon never had an end, infact it does not have a particular date.

Then he went and lie to his eldest sister and my Aunt (his mother) that I asked him to pack out from the room he manage to rent to me and his sister believed him and never even bother to hear what I have to say, what an injustice. She told me that her brother is no more renting out the room to me again and ordered me to leave the room within three days. There refunded me back my #90,000 and ask me to leave the room within three days. I had no choice but to leave the room and to my greatest surprise, there rented out the room to a total stranger and left me their own relative to wander about on the street of Lagos and die of starvation.

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But I never gave up in life, my strength and inspiration comes from God. I met a friend of mine and told him my story; he advised me to look for a portable room with that money and promise to help me find one. So both of us started searching for a room and the only vacant room we were able to see was a very small room and the room was 100% close to the toilet. I had no choice but to rent it. It is better than sleeping outside; I paid for the room for one year and worked on the room because it was dirty, scattered, damaged etc. I cemented the floor, change the ceiling, painted the room and sprayed only carpet on it and my money got finished.

I started managing myself, sleeping in the room without any furniture, electronics and mattress. I slept on the ground and was bitten by ants and mosquitoes. Every day I perceive the worst odor from the toilet, everything people were bringing out from their bomb-bomb was entering my nostril. I will throw spite, cover my nose, spray perfume on my room yet the bad odor never goes away because I was 100% close to the toilet.

I called my father who was still in Calabar and told him about my predicaments and he encouraged me to face life the way I see it and never to give up in life. He assured me that all this things that is happening to me will be a testimony in future and a story I will tell my kids in future. He gave me further inspirational advice which strengthened me and I was ready to take life the way I see it since I cannot change what has happened to me. Life is really inevitable.

The worst thing that happened to me is one night, I decided to cook a good food and so I spend all my money in buying the foodstuff, I bought a lot of meat and was preparing a delicious meal that night. I spent more than #2000 on that soup just to eat good food for ones and so that night the weather was very cold and after putting all necessary things and the food was almost ready to be served, I decided to stay inside the room and wait for the food to be ready. It was 10:00 PM and the weather was really bad. The cold entered my body and I slept off unknowingly, forgetting that I put something on the fire.

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When I work up exactly 1:00 AM in the mid night I discovered that my soup I spent more than #2000 to prepare has burned to cold. My pot and soup turned to charcoal and all my kerosene got finished.

I was really humiliated and frustrated that midnight. The worst part of it was that I was feeling really hungry that midnight. My neighbors were all around but nobody went to the kitchen to check my burning soup. Everybody was minding their own business. That night I slept hungry and because I had no other money left with me I starved myself the whole day and punished myself for making such an expensive mistake.

Amidst all this pain I was able to strengthen myself, those experience build who I am today. I am not the kind of person that easily gives up in life; I am very tough and determined to succeed.

I am therefore revealing this secrets to you, my most painful moment in life, my story, my past experience and my journey in life, just to tell you that whatever situation you feel you are facing I have faced it and I have conquered it.  You have to believe in yourself, stop punishing yourself on things you cannot change, take life the way you see it and never give up in life. Always believe that life is inevitable.

Endure whatever maltreatment that comes your way and hope on God, he will remember you, he will strengthen you, he will comfort you and finally he will uplift you.

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I sincerely believe that my story has inspired you. Never miss any of my updates on this blog, sign up for email updates at the right side bar of this blog and continue visiting this blog regularly on a daily basis and be consistent with it and I promise to supply more quality contents to you guys.

If you have any opinion or suggestion or anything to say concerning this post, you can hit the comment box and I will be right there to respond to all your questions. Thank you very much for your patience and may God bless you all.

Patience, dedication, passion, hardworking and prayers to God are the fundamental keys to financial success and freedom in life.

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Austine Ikeru
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